July 1st

The last few days have been filled with something we haven’t experienced in a long time… momentum.

Not the big, dramatic kind. The quiet kind.

No major setbacks. No emergency changes. No unexpected phone calls that make your heart stop. Just steady progress.

For the first time in weeks, there was actually a moment where I didn’t know what to do. I picked up a book, thinking maybe I’d finally have a chance to read a few pages. A few minutes later, Colton had other plans and loudly reminded me he wanted my attention.

Honestly, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

These quieter days have allowed me to answer more work emails, catch my breath a little, and feel just a little more like myself again. It’s been refreshing. I also know enough by now not to get too comfortable, but I’ll gladly soak in every peaceful moment we’re given.

Declan

Our little fighter continues to amaze us.

He’s now up to 4 mL of feeds, and while that number probably sounds tiny to most people, to us it’s everything. Every single milliliter is another step forward. If everything continues to go well, we’ll keep increasing by 1 mL each day.

These are the victories we’ve been praying for.

The focus right now is getting his feeds to a stable place. Once he’s consistently tolerating them, we’ll be able to shift our attention toward making bigger adjustments to his breathing.

One step at a time. One victory at a time.

Colton

This kid is absolutely loving life.

We haven’t made any major changes recently because, honestly, we’re just waiting for him to grow. Once he reaches the right weight, he’ll transition to his home ventilator, and that’s when another exciting chapter begins.

In the meantime, he’s busy being the happiest little boy.

He’s learning new things every day. He’s taking more bottles, playing with his toys, loving bath time, and he’s become so calm during his trach tie changes because he knows exactly what to expect now. Watching him learn, trust, and interact with the world is nothing short of incredible.

And every milestone reminds me that one day Declan will get there too.

This week, something happened that I’ll never forget. For the first time, I was able to pick Colton up out of his bed by myself. I sat down with him, fed him his bottle, burped him, watched him peacefully fall asleep in my arms, and then tucked him back into bed.

All by myself.

To many people, that probably sounds like an ordinary moment, To me, it was everything.

It took five months to have that moment with my son.

Five months.

Most parents get to hold, feed, rock, and comfort their babies from the very first day they’re born. I had to wait five months. And even now, I still can’t do that with Declan yet.

I can only do it with Colton, and even then, it’s not something I can do whenever I want.

I’m learning. I’m getting stronger. It’s becoming less intimidating, and I know with time it will become second nature.

But I can promise you one thing…

I will never, ever take those moments for granted.

If you’re reading this and you have the ability to scoop your child up, rock them to sleep, feed them, or simply hold them without a second thought… please don’t ever take that for granted. Those ordinary moments are extraordinary gifts.

Today was extra special because we had visitors all the way from Florida. Aunt Niki and Brandon came to spend some time with the boys, and I think the boys knew they had company.

They were both on their absolute best behavior, happily asking for hand hugs, pacifier holds, and soaking up every bit of attention. It was so much fun watching Colton light up while they were here. He smiled, showed off, and was the sweetest little gentleman.

In true Colton fashion, though, he even managed to hold in a toot until they were walking out of the room. As soon as they were about to leave, he decided it was finally time to show his true colors, and just how much he’s like his father! We all had a good laugh.

It was such a wonderful visit, and it meant so much to have family come spend time with our boys. Days like today remind us how loved these little guys are.

Overall, our boys are doing really well, and for the first time in a long time, I can feel a little bit of relief settling into my heart. (I am terrified to say that out loud.)

At the same time, NICU life has taught us to hold joy with open hands. It feels like every time we say things are going well, another bump appears in the road.

So today, instead of worrying about tomorrow, I’m choosing gratitude for today.

I’m choosing hope.

I’m choosing to believe that maybe… just maybe… the hardest part is behind us.

Tonight’s prayer:

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for these peaceful days. Thank You for every small victory that only You know we’ve prayed so hard for. Thank You for every milliliter Declan has been able to eat, every breath You’ve strengthened, every ounce You’ve added, and every smile You’ve brought to Colton’s face.

Thank You for allowing me to experience what every mother dreams of…holding my son, feeding him, rocking him to sleep, and feeling his weight safely in my arms. It may have taken five months, but that moment will stay with me forever.

Thank You for the gift of family and for bringing Aunt Niki and Brandon safely to visit today.

Thank You for the joy they brought, the laughter we shared, and the reminder that these boys are surrounded by so much love.

Lord, we continue to place both of our boys in Your hands. Keep growing Declan’s little body stronger each day. Heal his lungs, strengthen his belly, and prepare him for every milestone that still lies ahead. Continue to protect Colton as he grows toward his home ventilator and the next chapter of his journey.

We pray that these peaceful days aren’t just a pause before another storm, but the beginning of a new season. A season filled with healing, growth, stability, and hope.

Give our family the strength to trust You even when we cannot see what’s ahead. Help us celebrate every victory without fear and remember that You have been faithful through every single hard day.

Please let this be the hardest of our hard. Let what lies ahead be filled with more joy than sorrow, more milestones than setbacks, and more reasons to praise You than reasons to fear.

We trust Your timing. We trust Your plan. And we thank You for carrying us every step of the way.

Amen.