Oct 19th

Two Different Journeys, One Momma Heart 🩵💙

Another week with our boys, and another reminder that even though they came into this world together, their journeys continue to look very different.

There is so much to celebrate, so much to be thankful for, and still so much uncertainty. Some days, it’s hard to know exactly how to feel when your heart is experiencing so many emotions at once.

Declan 💙

Our little social butterfly is doing AMAZING!

He continues to grow, get stronger, and show off that big personality of his. He absolutely loves being held, and our wonderful nurses and staff make sure he gets plenty of snuggles. If someone has two free arms, Declan thinks they should be holding him!

He also loves sitting out in the hallway, watching everyone come and go. He’s become quite the little greeter and makes sure everyone knows he’s there. He doesn’t want to miss a single thing!

Watching him become such a happy, playful, curious little boy has been incredible. After everything his tiny body has endured, seeing him simply enjoy being a baby is something we will never take for granted.

We are beyond proud of him. Every smile, every giggle, every new milestone reminds us just how far he has come.

Colton 🩵

Our sweet, patient, snuggly Colton.

Oh, how this little boy continues to teach us patience.

Colton is making progress, but his journey continues to move much slower than we would like. His lungs are still his biggest challenge, and while his oxygen needs have remained relatively stable, his ventilator continues to work very hard to help him breathe.

One positive is that he has gotten much better at breathing with his ventilator instead of fighting against it. His swelling is slowly improving, and his most recent heart ultrasound was stable, with no signs of pulmonary hypertension.

These are all things we are incredibly thankful for.

But the reality is that Colton still has a long road ahead.

Before he can transition to a portable ventilator, his lungs need to improve enough that he no longer requires such high pressures to breathe. His doctors continue to remind us that this process will take time.

And time is such a difficult thing when all you want is for your baby to get better.

In the meantime, Colton continues to grow and enjoy being a baby. He LOVES his bottles, his swing, sitting in his high chair, and, most importantly, snuggles. He is now over 14½ pounds, which is incredible considering how tiny he was when he entered this world.

He is such a sweet, happy little boy who has no idea just how much he has already overcome.

We are so proud of him.

I wish I could take away every struggle, make his lungs stronger, and give him the break he deserves. But for now, we keep showing up, loving him, advocating for him, and celebrating every little step forward.

A Momma’s Heart 🤍

This is the part of our journey that is becoming harder to put into words.

My momma heart is being pulled in so many different directions.

I have two little boys who need me, but they need me in completely different ways.

One is reaching milestones that once felt impossible, and the other is still fighting battles that I wish he never had to face.

I am overwhelmed with happiness watching Declan thrive, while at the very same time carrying so much worry about Colton.

And sometimes, those emotions are hard to balance.

How do you celebrate one child moving forward while knowing the other still has such a long road ahead?

How do you divide your time, your attention, and your heart when both of your babies deserve every bit of you?

I know there is no perfect answer.

I just know that I want to be everywhere, do everything, and somehow make this journey easier for both of them.

There are moments when I feel so incredibly strong, and others when the weight of these past nine months catches up with me.

We have spent nearly nine months inside hospital walls. Nine months of doctors, nurses, procedures, alarms, uncertainty, and learning a medical language we never wanted to know.

Nine months of watching our babies fight battles that no child should ever have to fight.

And while we have come so incredibly far, some days it feels like we still have mountains left to climb.

I miss the simple things. I miss the life we imagined. I miss the idea of just being home, together, without having to think about ventilators, oxygen, feeding tubes, or what tomorrow might bring.

But then I look at our boys.

I see Declan smiling at everyone who walks by his room. I see Colton’s sweet face light up when he’s getting snuggles or enjoying his bottle.

And I am reminded that even in the middle of the hardest chapter of our lives, there is still so much beauty.

These boys have given us a kind of love I never knew existed.

They have also taught us that two things can be true at once.

We can be incredibly grateful and completely exhausted.

We can celebrate progress and still be scared of what lies ahead.

We can have faith that everything will work out while still wishing we knew when and how.

And we can be proud of how far we’ve come while admitting that some days are just really, really hard.

Ryan and I continue to take things one day at a time. Some days, that’s all we can do.

But sometimes, watching life continue around us while we are still here is incredibly lonely.

We are so grateful when people ask about the boys, check in, and send their love. But I think what has been hardest is realizing that it’s difficult for others to truly understand what living this every single day feels like.

And sometimes, that lack of understanding hurts more than I can explain.

I know people are trying. I know everyone has their own lives, responsibilities, and struggles. But just because this has become our new normal doesn’t mean it’s easy. And it certainly doesn’t mean we don’t still need the people in our lives.

Just because we’ve learned how to survive this doesn’t mean we’ve stopped needing support.

Nine months is a long time to be strong. A long time to put your own life on hold. A long time to wake up every morning and face the same uncertainty.

And sometimes, the hardest part isn’t even the medical challenges. It’s feeling like the rest of the world has gotten used to us being here.

We haven’t gotten used to it. We’ve just learned how to live through it.

We don’t expect anyone to understand every detail of what we’re going through. We don’t need anyone to have the perfect words or answers. Sometimes, we just need people to show up, to remember we’re still here, and to remind us that we haven’t been forgotten while the rest of the world keeps moving.

Because behind every update, every smiling picture, and every milestone we celebrate, there are two parents who are doing their very best to hold everything together.

We are grateful. We are hopeful. We are incredibly proud of our boys.

But we are also tired. And some days, we just really miss our life.

This week we celebrate…

Two different journeys. Two incredibly strong little boys. And one momma heart that wishes it could be in two places at once.

One day at a time. One milestone at a time.

One prayer at a time.

🩵💙