SURPRISE!!!!

Surprise 💙🩵

This is a surprise in the absolute best way and I think this might be one of the best blogs I could ever possibly write.

After a really good weekend, I honestly thought my heart was already pretty full. The boys’ great-grandparents came to visit, Dad got to soak up some much-needed snuggles, and overall, it was just a good weekend.

I went home Sunday to spend some time with family and Riley, and then drove back downtown first thing this morning.

Traffic was absolutely miserable, so by the time I walked into the hospital, rounds were already happening.

And apparently, I walked in just in time for a surprise.

They were talking about how great Declan had been doing and said they wanted to make a change to his respiratory support.….Okay. Great.

In my head, I assumed we were going to lower his ventilation a little bit. Another small step. Another tiny move in the right direction.

Nope.

To my complete surprise, we jumped ALL THE WAY DOWN TO LOW FLOW. ONE LITER OF OXYGEN.

ONE. LITER.

Are you kidding me?! 😭😭😭

The plan was basically: let’s try it. Let’s see what he does.

And in true Declan fashion…

He completely blew everyone out of the water.

He did AMAZING.

No pressure blowing into his nose. No big respiratory support. Just one little liter of oxygen and Declan doing the rest.

He was so happy. He could move. He didn’t have to be swaddled down. He didn’t have constant pressure blowing into his nose.

He just looked… free.

And then came surprise number two.

Because Declan was doing so well, there really wasn’t a reason he needed to stay isolated in his own room.

Which meant…

THE BOYS COULD BE TOGETHER.

😭😭😭😭😭

For only the second time in their entire lives, my identical twin boys were together.

Seven months old, and these two babies who shared everything from the very beginning, who shared a womb, who entered this world together, who have fought side by side just a few hospital rooms apart….have barely gotten the chance to actually be together.

Until today.

Today, they got to see each other.

Today, they got to lay next to each other on the mat.

Today, I got to look down and see both of my boys together. Hold them together.

I still can’t articulate how I feel.

I don’t even know if I fully understand how I feel yet.

Shock. Happiness. Disbelief. Gratitude.

I feel like I’m dreaming and waiting for someone to wake me up.

And their first real interaction was definitely not the magical twin reunion you might picture in your head. 😂

It was actually perfectly them.

Colton was THRILLED.

He was kicking, playing, smiling, and trying to reach over and touch his brother like, “HEY! Look! There’s another one of me!”

Declan?

Declan wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. 😂

Every time Colton would reach toward him, Declan would pull away like, “Excuse me, sir. Please stay on your side.”

In his defense, Declan was pretty overstimulated by everything happening around him. He had just gone through a HUGE respiratory change, suddenly had so much more freedom, wasn’t swaddled, didn’t have pressure blowing into his nose, and now apparently some crazy little baby who looks suspiciously like him was trying to grab him.

It was a lot. 😂

But it was perfect.

Because they were together.

And I could have sat there and watched them all day.

Dad couldn’t physically be here when it happened, but we had him on video so he could watch the boys together too. Getting to share that moment with him…even through a phone…made it even more special.

There is something else you may notice in the pictures. Colton’s head and face look quite a bit bigger and puffier than Declan’s right now. A lot of that is related to the pressure from his trach/vent support, and we’re working on getting those settings lowered.

When they’re next to each other, you can really see the difference.

They’re identical twins, but right now, they don’t look very identical at all.

And that’s okay.

Their bodies have been through completely different battles. They’ve needed different things to survive. They’ve had different surgeries, different complications, different respiratory journeys and different timelines.

I’m hoping that as they continue to grow, heal, and adjust to their new lifestyles, we’ll start seeing those identical-twin features come through more and more.

But today, I didn’t care what they looked like.

I just cared that they were together.

Overall, today was just a really, really great day.

And maybe someday I’ll be able to write about today more eloquently. Maybe I’ll be able to explain what it felt like to walk into the hospital expecting another ordinary Monday and suddenly watch one of my sons take a massive leap forward…and then watch my twins lay beside each other for the first real time in their lives.

But right now, this is all I’ve got.

This is my raw emotion.

Last week, my raw emotion was sadness. Anger. Frustration. Exhaustion. I was devastated hearing that our road home was probably going to be even longer than I had hoped.

Today?

Today my raw emotion is pure, over-the-moon happiness.

This is NICU life.

When people tell you the NICU is a roller coaster, they aren’t exaggerating.

One day you’re crying because you don’t know how you can possibly keep doing this.

And then another day, you walk through those same hospital doors and get handed a moment you have waited seven months to experience.

There are still mountains ahead of us. There are still things both boys need to accomplish. We still don’t know exactly what the next few months will look like.

But none of that gets to take away from today.

Today, Declan breathed with just one liter of oxygen.

Today, he blew everyone away.

Today, two brothers finally got to be brothers.

Today, our twins were together.

What a beautiful surprise. 💙🩵