3 months

It’s hard to believe we’re already here, three months into this journey with our boys.

They did it. They just keep growing. They are amazing.

Declan hit my goal of 5 pounds this past week, and Colton is right behind him, just shy of it. To think that they are now 5 pounds when they entered this world at just 1.4 pounds feels nothing short of incredible. In the moments early on when everything felt so fragile and uncertain, this milestone felt so far away. And now, here they are…..

Three months of pumping. That alone feels unreal to say out loud. Three months of showing up every single day in a way I never imagined I could. And alongside that, I haven’t been home since January 9. That reality still doesn’t quite sink in. Life has looked so different than anything I could have planned, but somehow we’re still moving forward.

The boys are also starting to show us who they are. Their personalities are coming through more and more each day, and they are so different from one another. It’s been such a gift to watch them grow not just physically, but into themselves.

This week feels big. It feels like it could be a turning point, a true game changer for both boys. There’s a sense that we are on the edge of something new, something we’ve been praying and waiting for.

At the same time, there is still a part of this journey that is incredibly hard to put into words. The love I have for them is deep and overwhelming….bigger than anything I’ve ever known. And yet, even three months in, I still can’t just scoop them up whenever I want. I can’t freely hold them, comfort them, or care for them in the ways that come so naturally to a mother. There’s a helplessness in that… a constant waiting and surrender that has stretched me in ways I never expected.

You imagine motherhood one way, and then this journey teaches you something completely different. Loving them from beside their beds, through wires and monitors, celebrating every ounce and every small step forward it’s beautiful, but it’s also incredibly hard.

But I hold onto the hope that the day is coming when all of that will change. The day I can pick them up without hesitation. The day we get to just be together without barriers. I know when that day comes, everything will feel different.

As we head into this next week, we are asking for continued prayers, especially for Wednesday, as Declan’s surgery is still on the calendar. We are trusting God in every step, even in the unknown, and we continue to see His hand in their story every single day.

Thank you for loving our boys, praying for them, and walking this journey with us. 🤍